No sooner had I finished typing out my last blog, explaining how nervous I was about an impending pregnancy announcement by by brother and his wife, than I got a phone call from my mum gently breaking the news that they had just made the dreaded announcement. They are pregnant. I think I lasted about 2 minutes before the tears started. I though I did quite well! Mum was very good and did her best to comfort me. She thought it was better for me to hear it from her, which I'm grateful for. I sent them a very excited text message congratulating them as I couldn't face a phone call. And I am happy for them, I really am. I love being an Auntie to my sisters children, they give me so much pleasure. But every time a pregnancy is announced, another part of me withers inside as I feel like I will never be making that announcement myself.

I allowed myself a few days to feel miserable and sorry for myself, which I find is the best way to move on. I've realised it's ok to feel sad, and allowing myself to acknowledge the pain and be kind to myself means I pick myself up much quicker than I did a year ago, where I would feel like shit for weeks after an announcement. I knew my sister would start on about when I was going to have children and, right on cue, she started with the "when are you…" texts. So I made a big decision. I told her the truth.

I composed a very lengthy email explaining everything that has happened the past 2 years. She sent me a text immediately apologising for asking so many times when we were going to have a baby. She rang that evening and we spent 2 hours on the phone talking about it. To my surprise, she was amazing. No "it'll be you next" or "just relax" bollocks. Just understanding, compassion and lots of listening. In a way I wish I had told her sooner.

We are all going to my parents for Christmas this year, and I am so hoping that I can get through those few days spending time with my SIL and her big bump without a tear.