Day 1 of the nasal spray and I'm getting the hang of it, as much as anyone sticking something up their nasal passage and squirting the contents can get the hang of something (fans of poppers maybe?). Difficult to resist the urge to inhale deeply after a squirt a'la Vicks Sinex (have had a stern warning NOT to sniff it up or it'll go down my throat instead of being absorbed by the blood vessels in my nose, and I'll waste £600 of NHS money) but a little did escape down my throat somehow. Must be because of the super-squirt action from the nebulizer. Pumping the nebulizer yesterday in preparation for today (to ensure there was sufficient liquid in the tract) I got to see the 6 inch fountain it emitted. No wonder it found it's way down my throat. There's probably some of it coating the back of my eyeballs and a little on my brain.

I foolishly made the mistake of mentioning to the husband one of the side effects of the spray is irritability. On my lunch hour today, I set on my way to Fopp to buy a book, sit in the grounds of the Cathedral and read it whilst eating my lunch. I had been looking forward to it all morning. The husband decides to ring me 3 times to tell me that:

a) he forgot his wallet today (So?)
b) can I ring the sports hall and book badminton for him (No)
c) House of Fraser is having a closing down sale (And…?)

Upon the third phone call when I tell him to sod off and leave me alone, I'm told "Ooooooh, side effects are setting in already!" Pretty sure I'd be annoyed sans medication.

I've successfully managed to avoid doing any writing this evening by dusting. Wonder what excuse I'll find tomorrow night? Really wish I could pull my finger out and get back on it. Might dig out my old cuttings of published pieces to spur me on and remind myself that I can do it.

Today, I have officially started the OI treatment. The very first pill was taken this morning and I continue with these for 7 days. Meanwhile I will start on the nasal spray on Monday, 5 times a day, for about 3 weeks in total. I ordered myself a multi-alarm watch online to remind me to take it, which arrived today and the alarms are all set up ready. Bring it on!

Been working lots recently which is great, but these people don't pay their invoices which is incredibly frustrating. I've been working at an agency where a girl I worked with at the company I left has now moved to. That was fun. I'm also going back there next week. Met up with Gareth, my old boss yesterday, who I found out recently was having difficulty conceiving with his wife. We met at a pub for a lunchtime drink and had a good chat about things, exchanging our stories.

Turns out they've been trying for 3.5 years. She fell pregnant straight away but miscarried at 10 weeks. They then continued trying for another 3 years with no luck. They had all their investigations and it turns out they have 'unexplained infertility.' Nothing could be done as they could find no problem. Then she fell pregnant in January. But at their 12 week scan, they were told that the baby's cranium wasn't developing properly and that they needed a termination. Heartbreaking. She had to stay in a hospital ward with girls who had gotten pregnant through one night stands who were mucking about and laughing about what they were about to do, while she was there to lose a baby she so dearly wanted.

He remained quite upbeat about it all though, and said that they were told to go away and try for another 12 months before considering IVF, which they have already found out they have funding for. They're both 37. It was interesting to exchange stories and discover we had had the same silly quarrels with our partners and feel the same when people announce pregnancies. We all think: Why isn't it us?

We went to our follow up appointment at the clinic after my laparoscopy, to discuss our next move with the doctor. She has decided to take me off the Clomid (after 3 cycles) and move me on to Ovulation Induction instead. Because I have acidic cervical mucus (CM), she thinks that OI will improve it enough to stop annihilating the sperm and let them through to find the egg. The treatment timetable, starting next Saturday, is as follows:

1. Day 19 of current cycle: start Norethisterone tablets to induce a period and end the cycle approx. 1 week later.
2. Day 21 of current cycle: start 'down regulating' using nasal spray Buserelin. This suppresses my own hormones and puts me in a sort of menopause in preparation for the follicle stimulation hormone (FSH) drugs.
3. Day 14 of Buserelin: go in for a blood test to check oestrogen levels are down and that the spray has been successful.
4. Day 18 of Buserelin: Start self-administering FSH injections.
5. Day 25 of Buserelin: Blood test and scan to check follicle growth. Post-coital test to check sperm survival in CM.
6. Repeat scans every few days to follow follicle growth. Once follicles (max. 3) are ready, an HCG injection will be given to trigger ovulation.
7. Hubby and I go home and get down to it over the following 3 evenings.
8. Use progesterone pessaries for 14 days and wait.

…and hopefully find out we are pregnant at the end of it! If not, we do it all again. We are going to have 3 cycles of this (depending on the response of my CM) however if my CM is still a problem then we have to wait for IUI, which is basically the same up to point 6, as we would then have insemination to flush hubby's sperm directly into the uterus and up the tubes, therefore bypassing the evil mucus.

Quite excited and scared at the same time. This is going to be our best shot so far and I don't want to get my hopes up in case it all goes wrong. I just hope my CM improves, lets the boys through and finds an egg. A tall order for my body, but who knows? We might just get lucky this time.

No sooner had I finished typing out my last blog, explaining how nervous I was about an impending pregnancy announcement by by brother and his wife, than I got a phone call from my mum gently breaking the news that they had just made the dreaded announcement. They are pregnant. I think I lasted about 2 minutes before the tears started. I though I did quite well! Mum was very good and did her best to comfort me. She thought it was better for me to hear it from her, which I'm grateful for. I sent them a very excited text message congratulating them as I couldn't face a phone call. And I am happy for them, I really am. I love being an Auntie to my sisters children, they give me so much pleasure. But every time a pregnancy is announced, another part of me withers inside as I feel like I will never be making that announcement myself.

I allowed myself a few days to feel miserable and sorry for myself, which I find is the best way to move on. I've realised it's ok to feel sad, and allowing myself to acknowledge the pain and be kind to myself means I pick myself up much quicker than I did a year ago, where I would feel like shit for weeks after an announcement. I knew my sister would start on about when I was going to have children and, right on cue, she started with the "when are you…" texts. So I made a big decision. I told her the truth.

I composed a very lengthy email explaining everything that has happened the past 2 years. She sent me a text immediately apologising for asking so many times when we were going to have a baby. She rang that evening and we spent 2 hours on the phone talking about it. To my surprise, she was amazing. No "it'll be you next" or "just relax" bollocks. Just understanding, compassion and lots of listening. In a way I wish I had told her sooner.

We are all going to my parents for Christmas this year, and I am so hoping that I can get through those few days spending time with my SIL and her big bump without a tear.