I've decided I'm going to a local PCOS support group meeting on Monday, and I'm getting really nervous about it. The more I think about it, the more scared I get. Hardly anyone in my life knows about my PCOS, let alone our being desperate for a baby, so sitting in a room full of strangers and admitting that I have PCOS and am struggling with my fertility is extremely daunting. The people closest to me don't even know the truth about me. I don't even like admitting it to myself! I keep thinking it all must be a horrible mistake, but the facts are there – after almost 2 years, I cannot get pregnant.
On the positive side, it will be nice to meet other women who understand what this is all like, and how it feels. Out of every couple I know, none of them have had trouble conceiving. Before we started trying, I did my research into improving our fertility, and kept finding a statistic saying "1 in 7 couples are infertile." I kept thinking "How unlucky would we be if that was us!" But I had a nagging feeling that we would have trouble – I don't know why, I just sensed something was wrong. I've never had irregular cycles, I'm not overweight, I don't have excess body hair and I don't have any of the other "classic" symptoms of PCOS. So I was completely clueless. And yet, here we are, 2 years down the line with a diagnosis of PCOS. And yet I was so convinced I had endometriosis!
I hope to get something positive out of this meeting on Monday – support, understanding, new friends. I hope even more that I don't end up crying in front of everybody.
x
2008-04-17 @ 21:57