Since handing in my notice last week, I have, for the first time in ages, not thought too much about babies or crap ovaries or the impending doom of being childless forever. By taking action against what was making me 2nd most unhappy in my life (the crap job) and doing what I have wanted to do for years (set up on my own) I feel that I have finally taken back control of my life. My ovaries do not work properly – there is nothing I can do about that. But I can, and will, set up my own design studio, and no stupid, idle ovaries are going to stop me from doing that.
Of course, now the anxiety of being infertile has now quickly been replaced with the anxiety that I won't make enough money in the next few months and end up pregnant at the same time. It would be typical that, after 2 years of trying to get pregnant with a steady income, a shiny new egg is probably waiting just around the corner to be fertilised by a freak olympic-trained sperm who has completed an assault course through my reproductive system like the one at the end of The Krypton Factor. Fingers crossed anyway.
2008-04-02 @ 23:57