My two books on PCOS arrived today! I've made a start on PCOS and Fertility and it seems quite informative – it should tell me what vitamins and nutrients to add to my diet. I eat healthily anyway, but a little extra help won't hurt. It also talks a lot about the importance or remaining stress-free – easier said than done. All I seem to do is stress about timing sex, having tests and wondering why I can't get pregnant!

The book also talks about having a support network, and perhaps it's a good idea to tell close friends or family what you're going through. It's got me thinking. Only mine and J's parents know what's happening to us – I confided in a close friend that we were having difficulty in conceiving about a year ago, but I've since told her that we aren't trying anymore because I can't stand the pitiful "Aren't you pregnant yet?" questions every time I talked to her.

But I am wondering whether I should tell my older sister. She has 3 children herself (yep, PCOS skipped her and got me instead!) because I think it would be nice to have someone else to talk to about it. My poor parents can only take so many tearful phone calls! However, every time I think about telling her, I well up. I might even have to ask my mum to tell her for me, because I know if I do it, I'll just dissolve into floods of tears and not make any sense (not good for the stress!). It'd be nice to joke with someone about having to have sex in my parents house whenever we visit them and I happen to be ovulating – which happens every bloody time we visit!

I went to the clinic this morning to pick up the oestrogen pills ready for the next cycle (to perform a repeat PCT). While I was waiting, there was a woman sat in the waiting room alone after her partner had been called into another room. She sat there with tears rolling down her cheeks, her face contorted as she tried to stop herself from crying and be brave. I wanted to go to her and ask her if she was ok. It made me feel incredibly sad because it's like stepping outside of your body and watching yourself. I've cried too much already and it isn't over yet.

The clinic has decided that I have to take oestrogen tablets for a month in order to do a proper PCT. Basically, the pills will make me produce good quality CM in order for them to re-examine it. This should tell them more about how bad the acidic CM problem really is. If the sperm is alive and happily doing front crawl, then maybe it will be ok.

If the sperm is dead, then they will do an experiment. They will mix my CM with donor sperm, and mix hubby's sperm with donor CM. Apparently this will show them whether or not we are compatible together. That wouldn't be good. The next option in that case would be IUI (intra-uterine insemination) which would bypass the unfriendly CM altogether by injecting the sperm straight into the uterus. However, thanks to my good friend PCOS, there may not even be an egg waiting the other side of the ring of fire!

Anyway, I have ordered a couple of books on PCOS and fertility, and PCOS and diet in a bid to understand more about it all. I couldn't find a book entitled "Cervical mucus says NO." However, I have had a google of acidic CM and apparently I have to eat an alkaline-rich diet, which would be great to implement if only it didn't conflict with all the bumf I've already read about a PCOS diet. Not sure where that leaves me!

In any case, while I am on the oestrogen pills, J and I won't be able to conceive, so we get a month off from the stress of all and go back to having sex for fun, like we should do.

We went back to the clinic today for my 3rd PCT in under a week and, after supplying the nice nurse with a new sample and waiting over 7 hours for a phone call we discovered that... there wasn't enough CM to examine the hubby's swimmers after all! So that was all a big waste of time. However, now they want to put me on more medication to make my body a little more sperm friendly, so hopefully I'll stop firing the poor boys down on their simple quest to pro-create. The nurse will ring tomorrow with some more details once she has spoken to the doctor.

It is getting a little frustrating as it feels like not much is moving forward. There seems to be so many problems that it's difficult to tell which one they are focusing on!

I went to work after our appointment this morning feeling a bit down. A colleague had a baby over the weekend, and I was greeted by an email of photo's of the new arrival when I switched on my computer. While I am really happy for them, it is hard to look at.

I wonder if the nurse at the clinic remembers me by face or by Mary? (A term used by a girl I used to know for her nethers – for some reason, it stuck with me). The reason I say that is because I am due to return to the clinic on Monday morning for yet another PCT (post-coital test). I had a PCT 4 months ago, which showed I had acidic CM, so I have to have another one to see if the Metformin is improving it at all.

I booked in for Day 12, as requested, which was last Wednesday. I climbed aboard the table, legs akimbo, had the nurse invite hubby in to have a look (no thanks – was she crazy?) and had the PCT. No CM. Hardly surprising seeing as I have PCOS and pinpointing CM days are tricky. So I went back yesterday to try again. Any CM? Nope. So I'm due to go back Monday. But what happened today – CM anyone? I'll be lucky if there's any left by Monday. Oh bollocks!